I’ve grown up in the church basically. I started coming in 1st grade, but I didn’t really know what was going on. All I knew was that I liked the songs we sang in service. I played the Sunday School thing and memorized everything, answering everything correctly because there were 3 possible answers. I always wanted to look like the “good” Christian girl in elementary. I would always pray out loud and say it perfectly. So it wasn’t until middle school did I realize that what I’ve been living was just a routine and game.

I went to my first CBC winter retreat in 2005. It was different and I felt God move through me. I accepted Christ to be my savior at the camp. I was baptized a few months later. And as I look back on the years now, I realized I have not been living the Christian life at all. Even now I’m struggling just to get God into my life a little. I’ve hidden idols in my heart and I’ve been distracted by school, grades and, of course, boys. When I go to church I feel like I don’t deserve to be there. I feel like I’m lying to everyone by putting on this mask of, “Yeah, my relationship with God is fine and dandy” when it isn’t. Lately I’ve pushed Him out and gone my way. I’ve been stumped in my growth, if I even had any growth. But I’ve always been striving to learn more but I haven’t been getting anything.

I’m now striving to read the books Justin has given us and to read passages from the Bible and see if I can apply them to my life. I’m like everyone else; I’m not perfect. I’ve felt God tug at me but I’ve ignored it thinking it’s nothing. I know my faults and I know what I need to work on. I'm excited, scared and glad to be on servant team this year.